I spend a lot of time living in my head.
I ask myself why? Things are a bit different now. Time moves fast still but there's such a hurry up and wait kinda pace to it.
I wake up on the morning and have the energy.
The energy to yes, I'm going to dance on Thursday. To yes, I'm going to write this song today. To yes, I'm going to work out.... and many other things and then that very 1st noise I hear is the alarm at 530a/6a or Soñai's cry at 2a and I remember ahh I gotta do the mommy thing 1st. Then the energy, the thought pattern I had for my norm or extracurriculars scrambles and gets thrown to the back burner... the back porch. Nah the shed in the backyard of my mind.
Taking care of myself and someone else at the same time. What was I doing with my time before?! Still being productive and yet only if you knew me I was a procrastinator.
The rush and pressure of doing things at the last minute gave me a false sense of confidence. Like I was superwoman but really a heck of a multitasker who could talk a good game. Someone who could finish strong and barely make it across the finish line. Stressed but accomplished.
Fulfilled and anxious. Anxious because I couldn't figure out how to prioritize my tasks and simply execute them at a pace that made sense to me. Fulfilled because finally the anxiety was over.
To me, just my opinion and how I operate: there's a peace and calm that come with being a Mom. It gives me order and redefines my responsibilities.
Being loved and wanted is essential to being a human. Belonging and finding your tribe can be difficult but family (as it should) provides that safe space.
I pray I'm able to continue to be a healthy safe space for Soñai as she grows. I pray for my support system.
And I pray for Love.