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Not too soon but also not too late

Just because someone suggested on a specific date and that the right time? Hi my name is Tiffany Jaye and I've since this past Tuesday scheduled my dog's euthanasia for Dec 27th which I'm now contemplating that I shouldn't have. I'm plan to cancel it tomorrow. I've watched tons of videos, looked at a bunch of articles and the whole thing goes down to is the animal suffering and what that means. It's relative from person to person.

Sept 2021 - Knights Baseball Game
Sept 2021 - Knights Baseball Game

There are people who have gone through the same thing I'm going through and some are like end her suffering - but when I look at her:

- still grooming herself.

- still wanting to eat but just not as much and picky

- still wanting to go on the walk

- still greeting me at the door when I come home

- still wanting to go upstairs with me to be in our space

...When I see these actions I find myself at a conflict and I since she still wants to live. She still has a will to live. Does that not count for anything. A will to live regardless of the current ailment. She has a heart murmur (disease) which could, yes, end badly. We have medicine that we administer two times a day to keep certain symptoms at bay. However every now and then she will have a fainting episode. The last two which were like 1 month apart weren't as bad as the ones before. What do I mean by that?

Coco is a very intuitive dog. She's aware of what's good and bad and adjusts accordingly. When she first started falling out it was new and she would collapse to the ground. Then as they happened she could tell they were coming on and would fall bottom first to better brace her fall. In the beginning or the first few spells she didn't howl and then a few months in she would. Recently she hasn't. When Coco is in pain she makes a noise!!!! So I know.

When Coco is scared, nervous, unsure she shakes - it looks like a shiver. She shook when I first got her from the shelter, she'll do it when she's in trouble and sometimes in the car when we're going somewhere unfamiliar.

We recently moved (Oct) it's now Dec. There's been a dramatic change in her appetite because there's another dog in the mix and his menu was different from ours (dry food). So she held out on her usual dry food waiting to get his. This caused a conflict as I now have to figure out what she wants now. Chicken, and some ground beef, mixed in her food is fine. She doesn't eat as much but it's something.

The move was stressful for everyone, because it was new. I was still working throughout the entire process and I rarely spent much time relaxing. It was work..... go to old house.. move items to new house... back and forth... sleep for a few hours head back to work. I was so outta wack with my sense of direction it was like I didn't know where things were in Charlotte anymore.

Coco and Tiffany Jaye 12.17.21
2018 She had a stroke so her face still has residue of facial muscles not returning back to normal.

As far as her heart (disease) condition, I'm aware its progressing.

As far as "suffering" I'm still torn on what this actually is for her. People from outside in look at pictures and they say yeah it's time. I've looked at past (healthier pics) and see her now. I can tell the difference. But I'm still asking myself what is suffering for her?

When someone is going through chemotherapy are they not suffering? and that's supposed to "help" When someone is recovering isn't there a form of suffering?

We allow our loved ones who we know are going to die to live out their life in hospice.

I've watched the videos and read up on how the passing will be for certain ailments. In Coco's case it won't be peaceful is what I'm told. She may have an episode - like a heart attack - or fluid build up in her lungs (where it feels like she's drowning) - and that be it. She's not having difficulty walking and has quite a bit of strength left in her.

Putting her to sleep... to die... next week - 27th - when she can still live. It just doesn't sit well when I look in her eyes knowing that's the plan. I am traveling again for a week, the suggestion was to do it before then, because I don't want anything to happen and find out while I'm gone... or because she's "wasting away" aka "suffering" because she's wasting away... or on her death bed... or because there's nothing else we can do for her.... because her disease is progressing and we knows she's going to die... so we just cut it off sooner... because I'm meeting a deadline .... like whaaaaa.

12.18.21 - Happy 12th Birthday Coco!!
12.18.21 - Happy 12th Birthday Coco!!


Especially not when she's totally in her right mind and fully capable to walk and pull and have interest in her usual interests. Just last year - age 11 - we went on a full blown hiking trip in the mountains. I'm thinking ok we need to slow it down and that's what this looks like now. She doesn't eat much but when she does and she's happy she rubs up against furniture and wipes her muzzle on the floor/blanket meaning she's good and satisfied.

I just can't for a set date at this moment in the name of suffering when I still see a "will to live". No, animals can't speak, I understand that. I've put 2 other dogs down so with this being close to the 3rd time I want to make sure the timing is right!! Not too soon, but also not too late. It's a fine line.


Pro-life in whatever form is a tough discussion [#abortion #euthanasia #pullingtheplug] Living with a being and having the power where you hold their life in your hands is not to be taken lightly.

Thank you everyone for your support as this is a very difficult thing to consider. For now I have decided to cancel the scheduled appointment. We have meals prepped and her meds set aside and we'll go from there.

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