November 23rd
Emotional funk...idk why.
Yeah so there are a few days like today where I feel terrible. I don't know why. Like my emotions... it's like this weird funk.
I've cooked for the family, gone on walks, drove a few...
Today I ate once because I still have extreme bowl pains and just laid in bed all day. Took a nap and now I'm like dang it's 5p.
I had a todo list written out..
And didn't do any of it.
I told myself ok during this time just chill... like chill out. Mentally don't worry about nothing, you ain't gotta be nowhere.
And yet.. Idk, I feel I should be doing something.
I wanna exercise to get back at it, then I'm like what if I mess something up? So I just lay here.
Some days are like today. Just very low, don't wanna be around anyone and idk why.
Then I thought to myself...
I know how to plan.. I am okay and it's up to me.
I watched one of my positive affirmation videos and mediated on the quote "think on things that make you happy"
Immediately makes a list of just a few things that make me happy:
Music - Lucky Daye
Food.
I stopped there and listed to some Lucky Daye - Painted Album... moved a bit and got back into my groove.
November 28th
Now a few days later after reading my journal and jogging down my thoughts I'm like yeah that was a bit of a funk and it's okay to have one every now and then. The difference between me back in 2015 and now... 2020 is I know now how to get myself up out of it... or I can choose to stay in it if I want.
I, at this point, didn't want to wallow in bad feelings and was desperately looking for a way out. For some people engagement may be the thing that helps one get out of their funk. They reach out to friends and next thing you know you're on the phone laughing or meeting up and having a good time. Knowing I was limited in that area due to my current condition I needed another outlet. Also knowing mentally I wasn't up for the task of communicating much with the outside world.
So I did what I usually do best, I wrote down my feelings, said something to 2 people who gave me what I needed to hear and pressed forward with two of my favorite activities (music/food).
Learning and getting assurance that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me during this time and all feelings are valid. Knowing that everything up to this point is because of the decisions I've made for myself good or bad. All to this amazing point right here right now. I can stop and celebrate my life and then look in the stillness and think on what I want to explore next. Thank you Charita and Antione for giving me a bit of guidance during my emotional pitfall. It helped me get through and put a new smile on my face.
All Things Tiffany Jaye - Singer / Songwriter / Dancer / Artist
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