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Sleepless Nights

Dear Diary, 

May 15, 2024 Wednesday 2:12a

I’m up because we just went through a crying session that lasted 30 mins. Sleepless nights here we go. I finally picked her up and sat for about 1 min then put her back in the crib and she was fine. I wait for about 30 mins… seeing that I can’t go back to sleep I say to myself let me get up and do my blog and some editing in photoshop. 

The crib has one of my blankets over the railing to create a blackout effect in case I watch tv late into the night, the changes in light wont disturb Soñai. However on this particular night, after returning back from the bathroom I find who up? Yup it’s her. It’s as if she knows when I leave the room every time. I don’t know what’s going on but the separation anxiety is starting to kick up a notch. She’s fine as long as she’s being held or given 100% attention. But if you put her in the crib and it’s bedtime or just want to step away for a moment you’ll see some tears when you return. She’s also starting to communicate her dislikes and visibly get upset if I give her an instruction that’s not in her favor. Not sure how long this stage is going to last - the clingy stage… 

Rainy Day in May
Rainy Day in May

I’ve attempted to put her back in her crib 3x and each time I walk away she wakes up. It’s 3:09a and I’m going to finish this blog and some last minute things on my site and call it a night. I did the best I could do. If only you could see my setup now. Soñai laid across my lap on my right side, I’m laying back on the boppy and my laptop laid on top of my lap on my left side.  I’m not going to beat myself up. I accomplished a lot today (yesterday). I was at my job on time (1hr commute) accomplished a ton of work. Drove back 55mins to pick my daughter up from daycare. Made it to my photoshoot (I was the photographer today). Then I came home, fed, bathed, and read 6 books to my daughter. Sure I’m only going to get about 4 to 5 hrs of sleep tonight but I can rest assured that I put my best foot forward. If I did ALL the things, such as a 30 min workout and clean up, there wouldn’t be any room for sleep at all. 

Tiffany Jaye at Work Selfie
Tiffany Jaye at Work Selfie

The main goal is I’m actively pushing each day to do something. To work on some form of consistency as it pertains to my dreams. I’m working on financial freedom. In this season that means to be debt free. In another season it may mean building, investing and making my money work for me. I’m working on my social media/online presence. I need to increase my following to put myself in position for when it’s time to release another music single, so it will be well supported and received. Along with my social media presence I’m trying to find a schedule of consistent content creation that works for me. I don’t know what that looks like yet but as I solidify my mommy routine each morning and night that will come into fruition as well. Lastly I aim to create a meal/workout plan. I’m excited about both because it will lead to a healthy lifestyle for myself and my daughter. These first few years are very impressionable and if I can master these patterns now it will be alot easier for the both of us when it’s time for her to go to school. 

Thank you for reading. Explore the rest of my website to find out more of the cool things I’m working on these days. I hope this post blessed you and gave you a bit of encouragement to know you are not alone in your endeavors. Whatever you decide to do can be done. Take it one step at a time. Especially for all my new moms out there. Our lives are so different now and it’s important to extend grace to ourselves and others as they try to work with us.

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