You have a unique way of thinking. It intrigues people but it can also be confusing and overwhelming. The way you think can lead you down a path of worry and if left unchecked will spiral out of control. A new set of events in my life has me rethinking about where my allegiance lies. Mentally. Where's my validation and who am I getting it from and why? The need for outside validation may stem or spark from a desire to be wanted, to be fulfilled. A yearning that was not met perhaps during childhood. So if there was void the question is how do we repair this especially in our adult years? Transitions are not easy and they're not fun. As an artist to the world, a mentor to some and an inspiration to many it is imperative that I figure out where my validation comes from. How can I lead if I don't know what makes me strong or the reason why I get up in the morning? It cannot be some cliché thing that you've heard on the radio or from your favorite artist. No. It must be something that you truly believe deep down within.
Everywhere I go I meet people, artists that are inspired and have their own mantras. Their own oaths that they stick to and can execute. I find a small bit of jealously I must admit as I listen to their stories and watch from a far. I've been caught by the comparison bug and need to be set free from my own insecurities. A true sense of security and validation within oneself and the God I serve is what I believe this transition is all about now. In order for me to truly elevate to the next level in life, this is one of the final tests that I must pass. The love I'm afraid I won't get back in return, I don't give out. The love I'm confident I have within myself, I freely give. Now based on the principles of what giving really means, shouldn't I be giving regardless, or else then I'm always expecting something in return, which then I'm not really giving to give then. To learn to serve...and give is the true essence of what Christ is trying to teach us on a daily basis. It's what 1 Corinthians 13: Love is all about. You can't switch up on how you love or give when it's convenient. Or because you don't feel good. It's a never ending sacrifice, desire, and joy to do. Stop holding back your love, your smiles, your joy in all forms because you're afraid you won't get it back in return. That's not a way to live. And it's not a way to treat others. Living for others causes you to step outside of your own reality and seeing things from a different perspective. Nothing in this world is never truly ours except the free will that we were given. Even our bodies (souls) were bought with a price - Jesus' blood on the cross, and if we accept that it is our choice to do so then we receive the ultimate gift. So with that known, how can you now operate from a space of love/freedom? Sarah Jakes Roberts says, "if you can allow what was, than you can let go?" Still puzzled by that phrase but the more and more I think on it, it's slowly unraveling. This thing about seeking attention - a need or desire for attention I believe comes from a lack. In a society where everyone is taking in some way shape or form how does one stay full? Each and everyday we must figure out how to stay full and be ok with giving even though we may not get anything back in return (now or later). Being an introvert it becomes hard to balance and regulate your energy. Knowing this I must pay more attention to what I've given out and to not take things personal as an attack on me. An attack on what I have, who I am, and my intelligence.